so i have a sinus infection. yuck!!!! i finally got anti-biotics after a day and a half.  i really hate dr.'s offices.  it's always a chore to get them to prescribe anything, or for them to get back to you.  i hope i get better quickly cuz i hate feeling like shit.  i have a 2nd interview with the company i interviewed with last friday.  hopefully they hire me.  im not to into the job, but it's a job and i can always try and find another one if i dont like it.  that's about it for now.  i kinda have a crush...but this one, once again, is not going to work.  but still, at least it's something.  and then dude is awesome and way cute! sigh.

so today is the 4th time exercising.  i had to stop for a couple days between sunday and tuesday because i was hurting badly.  but its getting easier and i can feel a change already.  although i think i pulled my upper leg muscle.  ugh.  but have been watching what i eat.  i mean granted i did go to taco bell twice for dinner this week but i cut out snacks so it evens out.  i lost about 2 pounds already.  so we'll see.  but im determined to lose weight and get in shape.  im kinda tire right now, but i think im going to a show later at the lanes.  depends on how tired i feel.  

i have a crush.  but it will not work. ugh.

yesterday i went outside to shut off the pool filter and saw something fly out of the corner of my eye.  when i flipped around to see what it was, because i thought it was something awful, it turned out to be a beautiful butterfly!  i thought it was going to fly away but it didnt it kept flying around me and then it would land on the ground and stya there then if i moved would fly around again, but land on the same spot.  i went inside to grab my camera but thought by the time i got back outside, it would be gone.  wrong!  it was still there and let me take pictures.  really close pictures.  like i could have touched it!  so below are the pictures i took of the butterfly.  i feel like we bonded. haha

i believe this is a spicebush swallowtail.

work is so boring today.  i even asked people if they needed help and no one does!  arrrrrgghhhhh!  and i have to stay here until 6 tonight to make up an hour from monday.  its gonna drag so badly.  and then after work im going to f* mountain to see seasick since they are returning from tour!  

im still reading harry potter.  i am the slowest reader alive.  but in my defnse i am only reading it at bedtime...and whenever i get a free second.  but it is so good and i cant wait to see what happens.  anyone who has finished it already, please dont ruin it for me.  i already know who lives though, but still, im not sure of everyone who dies.  sooo please dont say anything.  thanks in advance!

im going to start working out again and actually stick with it this time.  im so sick of not fitting in my clothes properly.  so this is it.  even on days where im like..."nah ill just sit and watch a movie."....i am going to make myself do it.  im tired of being a couch potato!

its my friend nicole's bday tomorrow so i brought in D&D for her today, since she took off from work tomorrow.  it was fun to order 2 dz. donuts, 1 box of joe, and 25 munchkins at the drive-thru this morning.  oh and an iced coffee.  cant forget that!  i stole the 2 chocolate glazed donuts immediately! haha.  i didnt finish the iced coffee and it is sitting here on my desk....no longer iced, but warm.

ugh...im gonna go see if there something i can do.

so last friday...i think it was last friday....i got a haircut.  i was way overdue for one.  i had no idea how long my hair actually was until my friend told me i was about to cut off 12" of hair.  she proceeded to ask me 3 times if i was sure i wanted to cut it all off and i said, "hell yes!"  i couldnt stand it anymore and it looked like a hot mess.  anyway, i decided to go for a bob with bangs.  i havent had bangs in so long and wasnt sure how they wold look.  but when she was done...i was in love with my hair.  its great!  the bangs look amazing and i feel so much better.  its amazing that a simple haircut can make you feel so happy and so much better about yourself.  but im very happy with it and i dont think i want long hair ever again haha.  

other than that, ive just been chillin a lot.  reading the last harry potter novel and taking it one day at a time.  life is good right now.

so it's valentine's day. this is such a bullshit holiday. im not just saying it because i dont have someone to spend it with. i honestly feel that way, even when i have someone. you should love someone all the time, not just on one day of the year. it's so stupid. and it just makes people that dont have someone even more depressed. im not depressed because of valentine's day, im sad because i dont have someone and im alone. but thats every day. not just today. but i must say that yesterday i started to finally feel better about everything. and today i woke up feeling good. i think im finally starting to come around. thank god cuz i couldnt take anymore of this. i mean, im sure there will be times when i feel down, but im sure they will be fewer and fewer as time goes by. i also came to the conclusion that i am lucky to be healthy and alive and shouldnt get caught up in feeling down when i cant control the events that have occured. it wasnt my fault. i am a good person and gave everything i could. i didnt hold back anything. i loved unconditionally. i sacrificed. i compromised. i gave 110%. there's nothing more i could have done on my end. things happen for a reason, i just dont know what that is yet. i really do believe "to find someone you love, you got to be someone you love," and right now im not totally there, but im getting there. i mean, lets face it, if you cant love yourself, how will you love someone else? i am a giver, and i love giving. i just need to find someone who will apppreciate that and maybe find me special enough to reciprocate that. i dont ask for much, i just want someone who will love me as much as i love them and show me how much they care once in awhile. is that too much to ask?

i just need to get these thoughts out of my head.

i dont know where to begin. i hurt so badly right now. this is definitely the worst thing thats ever happened to me. hands down. this feeling of depression will not leave me, and it worries me. i dont want to feel like this anymore. but thats just how it goes. it will take time and everyone keeps telling me that, and i know that, but right now i cant understand it. i dont want it to take time. in fact, i wish i didnt have to feel this way at all. i think it hurts even more because i cant do anything about it. it was not my decision. i cant change anything. i feel so bad because all of my friends have been wonderful. they are there for me. and they have good advice. and i appreciate it. but at the same time, i just want to listen to my heart. and my heart is telling me different things. its a constant tugg of war and in the end i dont know who will win. im really messed up right now, but when i have to i can pull it together. im really confused right now and i wish i could talk to my best friend about it...and i probably could, but im not sure he wants to right now. i keep telling myself ill be ok. everything will work out. but im not so sure. and again, only time will tell.

so i havent written anything in awhile. i really dont have much to say these days. ive been going to shows and hanging with friends. i saw 2 movies so far this weekend. yesterday i went to the movies wiith courtney and jen and saw the exorcism of emily rose. it was a good movie but i think a little long. there were some freaky scenes but nothing really that scary. the funniest thing of the night was the manager at the movie theater who came in before the movie with a megaphone and set rules. there were A LOT of high skewl kids in the theater and i was complaining how they were gonna tlak and ruin the whole movie. well then the manager comes in and starts saying if you are caught talking you will be thrown out without a refund, if you have a cell phone out, youlll be thrown out, etc. and he walked around the entire movie. it was crazy! but it worked! today i went to the movies with mike and finally saw 40 year old virgin. it was really funny and cute! i enjoyed it. now im just waiting to go to practice and im really excited cuz its with my new band and i cant wait to hear the songs that miranda and i came up with totally rocking. we've been getting together and playing everything acoustic so it will be a nice change of pace. we will also have a drummer! woooo! well i gotta go do some stuff before i leave so im outta here!

So my band finally has mp3s up on myspace! check it out!

www.myspace.com/twdband

befriend us and tell us what you think!

so i saw the get-up kids on sunday. i was kinda disappointed cuz i was really going to see hot rod circuit, but then lsat week when i looked at the concertseast website they werent listed anymore.:( but im really glad i went cuz i had a great time! mike and i got there a little late cuz we really didnt want to see the first 2 bands. when we got in, we went to the bar area cuz mike wanted a drink and i wound up seeing josh and mike. we found out the first band sucked and then the 2nd band went on and they sucked as well. i stayed with josh and mike the entire time cuz we had a great view from where we were. mike went off to see if he could get up front. he said he would be back later....which was a lot later because he couldnt walk through the crowd. there were soooooooo many people there. more than ive ever seen there. i hate crowds!!! but at least it wasnt too crowded in the bar area. anyway, the get-up kids were really good. i actually enjoyed them for once and remembered how much i used to luv them. but yeah they played almost everything i'd want to hear, except company dime. but thats ok. so all in all, i had a good time and im glad i went.

im extremely bored tonight since i have no plans. so i decided to look through my photos and i found the cutest picture of my niece. so im going to post it. its so weird but she looks exactly like me when i was a baby. i guess its not too weird since we are related and all. i wish i had a baby picture of me uploaded but im too lazy to scan any in. actually i think i have some pictures of me but when i was in kindergarten and such. ill have to look for them. anyway, here she is...i luv her so!



awwww....she's so cute! i remember when i used to be cute. blah!

I was bored and decided to look through my cd collection and listen to something I havent in awhile. And I found my planet janet cd and popped it in. Oh how I loved them back in the day. those were some of the best shows I've played cuz they were so fun! I wonder what happened to them. I saw them last year at red bank rehearsal when I had practice with my other band, but since then I have no clue what happened to them.

I went on a shopping spree today at target! I luv that place. I got two cute bathing suites, the slipper shoes I wanted, 3 nice shirts for work, the grudge dvd (so i could finally see it), and razors. I want to go back and get some capris and another shirt or two. on my way out, i realized i lost my keys. i knew i probably left them in the dressing room, so I told a chasier and this other dude came over and said that they found a pair of keys and so I described them to him and sure enough they were mine! hahaha!

tomorrow, i have to go to my cousin's bridal shower and then go see the get-up kids. im pissed cuz hot rod circuit was supposed to be playing, which was the main reason i was going, but they arent on the bill anymore. Eh, whatev, its the get-up kids last tour and then they are breaking up, so I dont mind going.

the rest of the week will be filled with seeing mike as much as I can since he will be leaving for tour.

just call me martha f*in stewart. i made myself a big batch of potato salad. and not just your typical potato salad...oh no...new jersey style potato salad! according to wolfgang puck this is the recipe for jersey style potato salad:

2 pounds of yukon gold potatos
3 hard-boiled eggs, finely chopped
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1/2 medium yellow onion, finely diced
2 stalks celery, finely diced
Kosher salt
Freshly ground black pepper
Sugar, to taste

Boil potatoes in skin and let cool. Slice into quarters. Add eggs, mayonnaise, onion, and celery and fold together. Season to taste with salt, pepper and sugar.

I didn't follow the instructions completely. like i used regular table salt, instead of kosher. and i used whatever pepper we had. and no sugar. and i used a whole onion and 1 stalk of celery. but yeah its prettty damn good potato salad.

other than that ive been suffering all week with a sinus infection and bronchitis. lucky me! this always happens to me on holidays. i never get to enjoy a holidat without being sick. blah!

im supposedly supposed to go over brian maguire's later with microphones to record vocals. well not me, but brent will be recording vocals. ill just be there watching and supervising. but i called brian yesterday and he hasnt called me back yet so i dont know whats going on. my family is coming over for a bbq too which is why i made the potato salad.

i need to go shower and get ready.

i made a mix cd of stuff i used to listen to back in the day. here's the listing of the tracks:

01. Ole! - The Bouncing Souls
02. Irish Drinking Song - Buck O' Nine
03. The Infamous - Inspector7
04. Raisin' the Roof - Professor Plum
05. Agua - The Pilfers
06. Urban Ninja - One Cool Guy
07. Asian Man - Skankin' Pickle
08. Mable - Goldfinger
09. Lyin' Ass Bitch - Fishbone
10. I Don't Know - The Chinkees
11. Master Plan - Professor Plum
12. 9MM and a Three Piece Suit - Catch22
13. Heart and Soul - The Royalties
14. The Same Old Song - The Pietasters
15. Don't Know - Kemuri
16. Rudie Can't Fail - The Clash
17. Curse of the Fallen Soul - Dropkick Murphy's
18. Drinkin' and Drivin' - The Business
19. Let the Bad Times Roll - The Vandals
20. Rock Lobster - The B-52's
21. Intimidation - The Bruisers
22. Outsider - The Ramones
23. Dear Dr. X - Cryptkeeper5

Oh man...what memories these songs bring back. *sigh*

so im back from vegas...and im in one piece! it was fun times! i lost about 430 and change, which i think is pretty good over all. could have been worse! i had a lot of fun gambling though. its the first time ive ever gambled. ive never been to a.c. which is a crime i suppose. but now im all set to go lose some more money there! haha. we must have walked a thousand miles all together. i think i lost some weight. we ate at all the best restaurants...and you wanna know what the best part is....it was all free!!!!!!!!! cuz i was on business!!!!! haha. wooooooooo!!!! i have some pictures...as soon as i fix them up ill post some. i had a great time and i cant wait to go back again!

my new computer is here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wooooooooooohooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i cant wait to get home and hook that shit up!

oh man this hits of the 90's station on launch is awesome! so many good songs from the 90's. i used to think that 90's music was out of control, meaning it was just a whole mish mosh of different genres. not like it isnt like that now, but i think back then radio stations would play a more diverse selection of music. now its like whatever is popular is what you will hear. maybe it was always like that, but to me, it didnt seem like that in the 90's.

i think my computer is coming today! woo! i cant wait!

i need to order my get up kids tickets today. i figured since its there last tour i will go see them. i think i can finally listen to them again (ya see, there was a point years ago when i couldnt stand them because i would hear them over and over again and i couldnt take it!) but i havent really listened to them in a long time so i think i can handle them again. plus, hot rod circuit is playing with them and i really want to see them more than the get up kids. haha. so yeah, gotta remember to do that later because the show will prolly sell out. my friend john said he would have put me on the list, but this was a non-comp show so there isnt a list. john's kewl. i gotta go visit him at the surf club this summer.

ewww...creed just came on launch. that was the bad part of the 90's. blah!!!!

i bought some really cute shoes yesterday. i got 2 pairs for like $79. i luv dsw!!! i also got some nice dress pants that match the jacket i have already. i just gotta find a top. i saw one in express, but it was black and i didnt want to be dressed all in black. but i looked around and really nuthing else goes well with them except the black top. so now i gotta go back to express and get it. im gonna be stylin' in vegas!

i cant believe i just used the word "stylin'" shoot me.

i had a taco salad from taco bell yesterday. really good but i can never finish them. they give you waaaay to much!

argh its noon and i have nothing to do...well i kinda do, but nothing important. eh, i better go do it.